


Dreams

by Angelwingsl3 (Marie_Fanwriter)



Series: Until the End [5]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Family, Loss, Love, Mentions of past suicidal thoughts, Romance, sap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-23 12:45:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14934509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_Fanwriter/pseuds/Angelwingsl3
Summary: Jane Shepard has had something on her mind for a very long time. The time to talk to her bondmate and husband about it has finally come. His reaction may come as a surprise.A story of love and loss.Stand alone oneshot in 'Until the End' universe.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't my usual style, but it's something that's been floating around in my head for a long time. This extra posting day from the MEBB has given me an opportunity to make it become a reality.
> 
> I hope you love it.
> 
> Beta read by the wonderful [**Some_Writer**](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Some_Writer)!
> 
> Theme music: [**Sanjoy - Shangri-La**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrx7c3Pu-fY)

\---

It was stupid. It was selfish.

And yet… it was a dream that Jane Shepard just couldn’t let go of.

The woman sighed and closed the lid of her cosmetic’s box. If she spent much longer in the bedroom, then her husband would come in to check on her. Garrus didn’t need to see her sulking and they were probably already going to be late for James’ N7 graduation ceremony already. It would only be worse if she kept wallowing. Although… she supposed as the guest of honour she had a right to be late, even if it wasn’t exactly proper.

Carefully, she extracted herself from behind the small vanity using the surface to lever herself up. It had been a few years since the war, her extended coma and the loss of her leg. Yet, even now, she was plagued with a small limp. Most days it didn’t bother her, today was just a particularly bad day. She’d pushed herself too hard the day prior, trying to beat her 5k run time. It was barely up to Alliance minimum physical standards and a far stretch from her pre-war body.

The retired Commander was dressed in her best Alliance Blues, a set that somehow appeared in her closet one night that fit her softened form. Kasumi’s doing, most likely. Gone were the days of wearing armour and toting assault rifles, and that also meant that her physique had changed. Garrus had told her a thousand times that he liked the softness, but that didn’t mean that she did.

Another sigh left her glossed lips.

Retirement wasn’t quite what Shepard had hoped it would be.

While she missed active duty for the camaraderie and limitlessness of her position on the _Normandy_ and as a Spectre, Jane didn’t miss the constant death and destruction. There had always been something satisfying about making a perfect headshot, but as she looked back on those days she realised she’d thought so much less of people back then. She’d had to turn her compassionate brain off to do her job. That wasn’t who she wanted to be anymore.

Before she had time to fall into further reflection, movement from the hall caught her attention. When she turned around, Garrus was standing in the doorway. He was decked out in his Hierarchy dress uniform, looking sharp in slate-grey with a few decorations on the Palaven-blue sash that crossed his chest. She met his eyes after taking a good, long look at him. When she reached his face there was a light blue flush peeking out from under his collar. Making her turian blush was easy.

He cleared his throat: “Ready?”

“Ready,” Shepard agreed with a toothy grin setting her poor mood behind her for another day. If there was one thing Garrus was good at, it was setting her right. Even if he didn’t know why she was put out in the first place.

\- - -

A handful of hours later, Shepard and Garrus fell into their private skycar a little tired and more than a little tipsy. The drinks had been free-flowing as always when the pair of them appeared at a celebratory event and more so when it included a thousand Alliance traditions as tonight had. If Garrus had to hear another human military poem or listen to another round of that ‘ _500 Miles_ ’ song it would be too damn soon.

The Advisor's talons fumbled with the controls as he set their destination- the private garage beneath Shepard’s apartment building on the Silversun Strip. Despite living there together for the past year, he still thought of it more as hers than theirs, but that was mostly his own doing. He wasn’t home for long enough to add his own touches to the apartment yet. He hoped that would change eventually, but for the time being it wasn’t possible.

Thankfully, the car was self-driving. Garrus, for one, was in no condition to pilot the vehicle and from the feeling of warm, small hands starting to undo his belt... neither was his bondmate.

Garrus was extremely pleased that Shepard had kept the alcohol tolerance from her Cerberus upgrades even if she hadn’t managed to hold onto the strength. She’d drunk an entire marine corps, including the newly-promoted Commander Vega, under the table with her escapades this evening. The pair were all smiles and, considering the sombre mood he’d found Shepard in before leaving for the event, he counted himself lucky.

It wasn’t often that Jane got down about herself, but Alliance events were generally the catalyst for such moments. He knew that she missed active duty, and in all honesty, he couldn’t blame her because deep down he did too.

Since the war, Garrus had fallen into his posting a little easier than Shepard had. In the months before the Reapers appeared, he’d already been working in a support role and he resumed his Advisorship once they were destroyed and he’d healed up from the final battle and the crash. Shepard, however, hadn’t ever been in his place.

The Commander’s boots had always been on the ground, and sitting back didn’t mesh well with her personality. It usually reminded her too much of the days she spent jailed before the war. Recovery had been rough too and the Alliance was much more willing to leave her as a figurehead rather than use her as an Advisor, as the Hierarchy did him. Primarch Victus welcomed him back with open arms, Admiral Hackett kept Shepard at arm’s length.

The Advisor was pulled from his reverie and dragged back to - _a very enjoyable_ \- reality by the feeling of Shepard’s mouth on his. He gave in willingly to the onslaught, a pleased hum fell from his throat which she swallowed right up with a light, breathy moan of her own.

“Can’t wait for home?” he whispered when she left his mouth to lick along the scarred line of his mandible.

She didn’t reply with words, her response was more of an ‘ _mmm-nope_ ’ than an actual answer. Garrus chuckled and let her indulge while he started getting into the mood right along with her. His larger hands passed over the curves he’d come to love and his mouth pressed into her hair as he inhaled her scent. The sweet soap she used meshed perfectly with the underlying scent that was all her. He’d gotten used to the scent of gun-oil and sweat over the years, and sometimes he still missed it, but at this moment he couldn’t think of anything better than lilies in spring.

The path to their apartment was blissfully empty as the pair stumbled out of the skycar and towards the elevator. Her uncharacteristic giggling echoed in the barren hallways, his rumbling laughter joining in with it.

Garrus pressed his mate against the wall of the lift once it arrived and nearly ravished her right there. The way her hips ground against his and how her thin fingers found the perfect places between his plates drove him mad. The speed of the elevator was the only thing that saved them from giving the Strip a show against the plate-glass wall.

By the time they got through the apartment door, his tunic was undone and hers was soon to follow. Garrus felt like a fledgling again, just after his fringe had grown in and he’d shot up a half-metre over the course of one summer. It seemed like Shepard felt that way too, her smile was wide across her face and the sound of her laughter couldn’t be held back any longer. Shepard wasn’t a quiet person by nature and she didn’t try to be in bed either.

They didn’t make it to the bedroom.

Shepard pushed Garrus against the back of the couch, tearing at his dress clothes as fast as her hands could go. It hadn’t taken her long to become familiar with turian clothing now that he wore it more frequently and he found that she was getting better at finding the hidden clasps as time passed. Not that he was lacking in skill either, he was stupidly proud of the fact he was able to get most of her bras off single-handed and without tearing the expensive cloth.

Boots were kicked off as they fell on top of one another, neither were coordinated as they landed together and both strived for top position. Shepard won out without much of a struggle, her thighs landing on either side of his narrow hips to leave her heated-core pressing against his rapidly widening seam.

They were both wound up enough to not need much in the way of foreplay.

One of his mate’s hands found its way to his seam. The softness of her palm and the deftness of her fingers pulled him out with ease. It always felt like coming home with Jane. Entering her, feeling her contract around him and envelope his length in her warm centre.

Garrus’ hands grasped her hips, helping to keep the smooth rhythm going. His hips rose to meet hers, sheathing himself fully inside with each stroke. They moved in time, just like they had a lifetime ago on the battlefield. When Shepard’s rhythm started to stutter as she grew closer to the edge, Garrus flipped them over.

Looming over her, the Advisor caught his love’s eyes. A sea of green was captured in ice.

“Together,” he breathed into the air between them.

Through a sharp gasp, Jane nodded. And together they came apart.

When it was over, they lay in a panting heap on the couch. Shepard was sprawled across his broad chest and was still smiling wide. Her bottom lip was caught between her teeth as she nuzzled into his throat, content and warm. His second voice sang his pleasure as they came off the high, dying down to a pleased purr after a handful of minutes.

Clothing was strewn along the pathway that led to the living space, one of Shepard’s boots was on the kava table and his sash was, for some strange reason, hanging from the upper-level railing. How it had gotten up there was anyone’s guess.

“Thinking too much…” his mate mumbled against his throat as she lazily started drawing lines across his scarred plating with the tip of a painted finger.

“It’s just…” he waved his free-hand at the sash and Shepard turned to see what he meant. She laughed, seeming to relax more when she returned to nuzzling against him. She’d grown tense without him noticing. Garrus wanted to know why. “Something on your mind?”

Shepard pushed herself up a little to look down at him. Her mouth had fallen into the ghost of a frown. It was the same look he caught on her earlier, before the ceremony.

“Jane?”

“It’s stupid.”

Suddenly, she was off of him and collecting her clothes from the floor. Something was most definitely wrong. He needed to make it stop. Garrus followed his mate off the couch and wrapped his arms around her from behind, pressing his warm plates against her bare back. As always, Garrus dwarfed her in size, but she felt so much smaller than usual right now. Something wasn’t right at all.

“Whatever it is, it’s not,” Garrus assured her whilst reverting to his native subvocal comforting tones. He knew she could feel them, even if she didn’t understand all of his nuances. “Tell me, please?”

A huffed sigh was more than enough information for Garrus to know that he’d won this round. Though, he didn’t gloat or prod his mate any further. When Jane was ready, she’d speak of her own accord. It was quiet for a few minutes before words began flowing and when they did they didn’t stop easily either.

“Remember… back before the final battle. We… we talked about… _fuck_ this is dumb. We talked about maybe a beach and maybe a couple of hy- hybrid babies… and maybe I just… maybe I want that? I mean… I know we can’t. Because of... well… that’s not… maybe if Mordin-” Jane cut herself off with a wet choked sob at letting out the salarian’s name.

Garrus’ mind reeled for a moment as he tried to wrap his head around the jumbled words that had just fallen from his mate’s mouth. It took him a minute to process, but he thought that he understood the main points. He spun Jane in his arms, pulling her face up so she’d look at him.

“Do you want children, Jane?”

She nodded.

“Okay.”

She flinched back from his hand, confusion written in the lines of her face just as well as the scars were traced into his. “What?”

“I said okay,” Garrus replied, as steadfast as he could manage. His mandibles pulled into a soft smile and he didn’t let his human pull away. “I want that too. Kids.”

“I- I don’t think you understand… we can’t… what I want-”

Before she could spiral again, Garrus forced her back in. “Hey, whoa. Let me talk here too, okay?” He waited for her nod. “Any child you have is going to be ours. Even if my DNA isn’t involved.”

“Seriously? You’d… really?”

He could see the surprise and shock. It was sometimes hard to remember that humans were new to the galactic community, especially after all that had happened in their lifetimes. It wasn’t unheard of to use a donor for mixed-species families, in fact, it was somewhat common when the couple didn’t involve an asari.

“Yeah…. I mean… if that’s what you want.”

“But it’s so selfish, Garrus!” Shepard nearly yelled. Her body was tight, the shout loud enough to throw him off balance. It was so sudden, jarring even, that he was beginning to think these thoughts had been spiraling around inside her head for a lot longer than she let on.

Instead of arguing or raising his voice in return, he instead asked: “Why?”

“There are so many kids out there… alone… scared. Kids that need help. We should adopt or foster or something. It’s not fair to bring a kid into this-” she gestured around as though her viewpoint was explained by their surroundings.

“Into what, Jane? A loving home?” He pulled her chin up so that she’d meet his eyes. “You’re allowed to want children. There’s nothing saying you can’t. You feel strongly about this?”

Shepard nodded. “I do… I just… I want to bring a life into the galaxy and not just be responsible for taking more lives out. I’m done, Garrus. I really am.”

“I’m here for the long haul. You know that, right?” Again she nodded. “Good. Then it’s settled. We’re going to be parents.”

Despite herself, a choked sob became a laugh. “Just like that?”

He chuckled with her, “Yes? And maybe… we can adopt a turian too?”

Without warning, Jane was kissing him again and all the passion from minutes ago on the couch returned with more strength than before. It was like a weight had been lifted off his love’s chest and she was freed of her burden. At least for a moment.

Garrus was happy to help.

His hands found their way around the backs of her thighs and, just as fast, her legs were wrapped around his waist. They moved their escapades upstairs to the bedroom. A few faulty footsteps and nearly a head thump against the doorframe leading into the room later, they were on the bed safe.

“So… what would I look like, if I were human?” Garrus asked as he kissed a line down the edge of her throat. “Other than devilishly handsome of course.”

Jane snorted and shoved his shoulder with a palm. “I happen to like the turian you. Thanks.”

Garrus pulled himself up to face her. “I’m serious. If we’re going to do this, let’s do it right. Making a little you that has some parts of me in there. It could be fun…” he prodded her side and she flinched away from him.

Commander Shepard was ticklish and only Advisor Vakarian knew where.

“Fine. Fine! Alright! Oh god, stoppppp!” She was laughing in earnest now at his touch and he barely let go of her long enough to let her breathe.

“Okay so… human me. Go.”

Shepard inhaled sharply then kicked his leg out from under him and pushed him over. Garrus went willingly, rolling onto his back so that she’d be able to sit atop his naked hips.

“Well…” her fingers found his face-plates. They traced the angles, her eyes tight on his for a moment before they continued across the blue-painted plains. “Eyes like glaciers or steel are a must.” Her smile grew softer: “A child with your eyes.”

His talons found her hand and he pressed her palm against his scarred cheek. “Or as bright as emeralds.”

“Yeah…” her eyes watered a little at the adoration in his voice, but she didn’t linger. Again deft fingers traced his face, finding the hard panes and then the curve of his crest. “Brown hair. That has a natural tendency to sweep back like your fringe.”

“What colour would I be?” he asked her.

She chuckled. “You know… that’s kind of racist, Garrus?”

He shrugged, not understanding her implications but waiting for her reply regardless.

“Well, you’re silver and brown. A Palaven native. So maybe a caramel tone? It’s fairly common on Earth.”

“Like my colours are on Palaven,” he nodded in encouragement. “Build?”

“Tall. With strong muscle tone… not quite as big as Vega. More like Kaidan. Or Zaeed in his prime.”

“Hey!” His mandibles pulled in to his jaw and he scowled at her. He would have started grumbling something about looking a lot better than the old merc, but she cut him off with a searing kiss.

When she pulled back she bit her lower lip. “But it’s not all looks.” Her fingertips trailed over his mandibles and down to his throat, gently scraping at the sensitive hide underneath before skating down his chest. “He’d have to be intelligent.” She kissed his crest. “And brave.” Her lips brushed his cheek. “And kind.” She lapped underneath his jaw.

Her words of praise led all the way down until she was ghosting her mouth over the curve of his hip. Garrus’ plates were widespread and his claws were tangled in the turian-proof sheets that were threatening to tear regardless.

“And most of all…” she slid back up his body to whisper against his cheek something that was only for him to hear.

\---


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, this chapter gets a little darker. 
> 
> If you haven't read Stand Together, or need a refresher, Garrus contemplated suicide atop the Presidium at the end of the story. He obviously didn't go through with it, but that should help with any missing context.
> 
> [ **Some_Writer**](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Some_Writer) has been my amazing beta, coming in at the eleventh hour to help me get this posted on time! Thank you!
> 
> Theme music: [**Ashes Remain - Right Here**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHpuJWLSOgM)

\---

“You know…” Garrus began in an almost condescending tone, “I could just go in with you.”

Shepard groaned loudly, her head dropping back so that she could stare at the ceiling of waiting room for a moment while she vented her frustrations. “For the thousandth time, G. No! I’m going to have my feet up in fucking stirrups and my vagina on display for the entire room to see. You are not coming in.”

If Commander Shepard hadn’t gotten attention upon walking into the waiting room on merit alone, complaining about a pelvic exam would have been an easy way to get it. Some of the other patients hid laughter behind their palms, mostly the females, and others just looked away rather uncomfortably, primarily the males.

It didn’t seem to matter what species someone was, genitals just weren’t spoken about in polite company. Let alone were they half-shouted about in otherwise quiet rooms. Garrus might’ve found his mate’s complaints endearing in a typical setting, but today he was too nervous. As he suspected Jane was as well.

In all the ways they were alike, how they expressed emotion was entirely different. While he retreated in on himself even with the smallest of squabbles, Shepard was vocal until the end. Behind closed doors, with him, she was different. Here, in public, she was Commander Shepard and knew no fear.

They were at Huerta Memorial Hospital for Jane’s physical with Miranda and Karin. Today was the day Jane was going to ask the Doctors what it would take for her to get strong enough for pregnancy. She could have easily prepared the women ahead of time for the meeting, but after some discussion, they’d chosen to keep quiet about her reasons for the appointment until she could talk to them in person. She’d said it was so that she wouldn’t lose her nerve. He couldn’t decide if he believed her on that but agreed to her terms nonetheless.

The Advisor’s only condition was that he could be present at the medical facility. She’d acquiesced, but now she was fighting him on coming into the room. As little as he wanted to miss a thing, Garrus knew that if he was terrified of this moment, then Jane would be too. So instead of arguing and making it worse, he let it drop.

“Fine. I’m not coming in,” the turian relented as he fell into a too-small reception chair to wait for his mate to return from her exam. For what must have been the thousandth time in their relationship, his answer was simple. “I’ll be here if you need me.”

“Thank you,” she smiled softly at him and squeezed his hand. “I’ll just go check-in then.”

Shepard left his side and walked up to the reception desk without further incident. It didn’t take long before the staff ushered her out of sight. There wasn’t much left for Garrus to do but wait. As a sniper, it should have been something he was good at.

In this case, he was not.

\- - -

When Shepard entered the private office, Miranda was waiting for her. The ex-Operative was seated behind her large wooden desk, looking demure and professional as always. Ever since the war Miranda’s hair had been cut short, it looked good on her and fit the new persona as the head of Huerta Memorial Hospital’s Cybernetics Department perfectly.

She didn’t need to hide in the shadows anymore.

The office was sizable, professionally decorated and exactly adequate for all of the elder woman’s needs. On the desk sat a holo-frame of her and her sister, the only true personal item in the otherwise universally appealing space. A floor to ceiling window overlooked the Presidium below, shelves lined the opposing wall stacked with real paper textbooks, two couches and a coffee table sat between the doors and Miranda’s desk, and finally, a patient exam bed had been set-up especially for Shepard’s visit.

Lawson had her attention out the window, but at the sound of the door closing the ex-Operative turned to greet her. They didn’t hug like friends should, or shake hands like colleagues would have done. Instead, the pair exchanged curt nods and small smiles.

“Miranda.”

“Commander.”

The two women had an interesting relationship, to say the least. Never quite friends, but more than shipmates. Miranda was one of the few people in Jane’s life that she could count on for a frank opinion or to be the voice of reason when she truly needed it. That was why she came to her today.

“Karin couldn’t make it?” Jane asked after she took a seat on the edge of the couch, avoiding the exam bed for as long as possible.

“My apologies, Commander. Doctor Chakwas was asked to stand in last minute for another professor at Cit-U,”  Miranda explained around a proud smile, ‘Ori’s class actually.”

Shepard was careful to keep her disappointed expression hidden away, instead focusing on Miranda’s sister. “What’s the class about?”

“Xenobiology and interspecies cooperative works. She has far more examples than anyone else I could think of when Orianna mentioned her Professor was going to be out sick. It didn’t take too much coaxing for the University staff to bring her in, she’s as much a legend as you are around medical circles.”

“That’s really great.” Shepard tried for a smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She’d wanted to tell them both at once, see the reactions unfold as they may. She wasn’t up for prolonging her questions any longer, she and Garrus had already kept silent about their plan for two weeks. Talking only behind closed doors and dreaming about a future that was one step closer to coming true after today.

She just needed to be strong.

“But enough about that,” Miranda joined her in the sitting area, leaving the stoic position behind her desk to become more personable. “What did you want to see us about? Usually, I have to drag you in for a physical. Are your implants bothering you?”

“Uh, no. Actually, they’re great.”

A single, impeccable brow rose in question. Yet, Miranda maintained her silence.

“I uh… well.” Despite herself, Shepard’s cheeks flushed slightly pink. “Garrus and I, we’ve been talking. Thinking that maybe it’s time for a change.”

“A change?” The ex-Operative’s tone was speculative, probing.

“I’m going to make my retirement official soon, leave the Alliance for good and focus elsewhere. On family.”

Miranda smiled. “That’s wonderful, Shepard. Great news!”

Shepard’s hand went to her chest as she let out a breath. It felt good to finally tell someone. It felt good to have approval, even if she and her partner didn’t need it.

“Are you going to adopt a human or a turian child?”  

Shaking her head, Jane took a breath. It was a simple misunderstanding, she hadn’t really understood it either until Garrus had explained it to her. Donors were common enough in interspecies couples and, admittedly, this was a little out of left field for her too.

“Neither. I’d like your help, or at least a recommendation to someone who can help us, or rather me, get pregnant. We’re going to have our own, with a donor.”

Something was very wrong. Shepard knew it as soon as the last words fell from her lips because the expression that formed on Miranda’s face was one of immediate horror, with a side of pity. Her usually passive brows were high on her forehead and her mouth had pulled into a razor thin line.

“Miranda?”

“You can’t.”

The word hit her like a brick. ‘Can’t. What the hell did that even mean?’

Shepard took a few moments to wrap her mind around the other woman’s reaction. Was it some deep-seated speciesism coming out of the woodwork? Or was there something wrong with her? Very slowly she found a response: “What do you mean, I can’t?”

Miranda’s expression fell further and further down until it was as though she was part of the polished metal floor. “I’m so sorry, Shepard. You can’t physically become pregnant.”

Jane blinked a handful of times. The words still didn’t make sense to her.

“Tell me again.”

“Shepard-”

“Tell me again.”

“Should I get Garrus or-”

“No,” Shepard cut her off firmly. “You should repeat to me what the hell you just said, Miranda.”

The normally unflappable ex-Cerberus agent swallowed her retort and began again, explaining for the second time in as many minutes, why exactly Jane Shepard could never have children of her own. This time she was more specific. Scientific in her reply. It did nothing to soften the blow.

“You don’t have a uterus or ovaries. Do you recall waking up on Lazarus station? I said you weren’t finished yet. We never had the time to go over exactly what we hadn’t finished. With the Collectors and Aratoht. Then the war…”

Shepard’s mouth moved as though she was going to speak, but no words came out. She was mute. Miranda took pity on her, explaining in more detail.

“Your reproductive organs were not a priority, bringing you back was. Your mind, your abilities. You. We might never have been able to bring your ovaries back, most of your organs were too far gone.”

“Meat and tubes,” Shepard repeated the words she remembered from just minutes after waking up. Those hurtful three words that were forever etched into her mind.

Miranda didn’t understand: “Excuse me?”

“That’s what Jacob called me, meat and tubes.” Her face had become a stone mask. For the moment she was numb to the news. Shepard looked up from the hole she’d been staring into the ground. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

At the least, Miranda had the wherewithal to look embarrassed as she said: “It never came up.”

“I never asked,” was Shepard’s solemn reply. “I just thought it was my hormone implant. Gods, I haven’t had a period since I joined the Alliance. I just… I just thought.”

Tears had begun to form at the corners of the Commander’s eyes.  Her mind was spinning, this couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be the end. Not after all that she’d done. All she’d gone through to save the galaxy.

“I’m sorry, Jane.”

\- - -

Panic had been Garrus’ initial reaction to Miranda appearing in the doorway alone. Her expression had been indecipherable, her spine drawn tight and eyes so sad. This was the furthest thing from happiness that the turian Advisor could have imagined.

He was out of the uncomfortable chair and at her side in seconds. She took a step back into the hallway and he followed her. The door closed and they were alone at least, if not in private.

“Where?” was all he needed to say.

“Gone,” Miranda told him before biting her lip. “I’m so sorry, Garrus. I should have told her.”

His eyes narrowed in confusion: “Told her what, Miranda?”

“That she can’t. Physically.” The woman shook her head, her eyes closing and chin falling to her chest. When she looked up, her gaze was stricken but not as he’d expect. There was a shared wound there, he just didn’t know what it was. “I don’t know where she went. She just left.”

“Spirits. She didn’t say anything, no hints?”

“Nothing.”

One hand rose to run through the spines of his fringe as he exhaled. “Alright, she’s fine on her own for a little while. I’ll check the apartment. Put out a flag on her Spectre ID with C-Sec. I’ll find her.”

“Can I help?”

What Garrus wanted to say was something petty like, _‘you’ve done enough’_ , but he held his tongue. That wouldn’t be helpful for anyone, including Shepard. Instead, he put the ex-Operative off, asking her to let him know if she reappeared. He’d send her a message when he found his mate to let her know when to stand down.

They broke off from one another, Miranda going back to her office and Garrus heading for the elevator to take him down to the hospital lobby. They’d walked here since a skycar was impractical in the day cycle’s traffic. That meant Shepard had either left on foot or headed for the rapid-transit terminal just out front.

Hacking into a transit terminal was a fledgling’s game, it didn’t take long to get through the security protocols and find out just who had rented out the last few vehicles. A single ID stood out, Shepard’s. It wasn’t exactly legal, but he supposed he’d earned a few slips in judgment over the course of the past few years.

After ordering his own car, he called Shepard on her omnitool.

There was no answer, which wasn’t surprising, but it had been worth the attempt regardless. When his car arrived, he hopped in the front and started typing in the Silversun Strip before halting midway through the address. There was one other place that was worth swinging by first. Just in case she had the same thought he did, all those years ago.

With all his strength he hoped that she had the same change of heart that he had.

\- - -

It was cool at the top of the Presidium. Cooler than she remembered from the last two times she’d stood here looking out across the graceful curve of the space station. Shepard remembered both her previous visits with perfect clarity. The day Garrus had asked her to be a _one turian kind of woman_ , and also the day that she thought she’d lost him forever.

One of the fondest memories sat alongside one of the most terrifying moments of her life.

This was the place where Garrus had been happiest. She had been too. It was easy to forget the lighthearted moments that they shared when it was mired in all the bloodshed in their lives.  Only now, at this moment, she finally understood why Garrus had come here. Why he had run away from the hospital, his family, his responsibilities. It had never been to step off the edge, it had been to remember the feeling of the breeze against his plates.

To grab a breath of fresh air.

When Jane heard the sound of a skycar approaching, she wasn’t at all surprised.

She was seated on the edge, her feet dangling over the bustling city below. Despite the height, she held no fear. The Reapers had taken fear from her a long time ago, at least when it came to her personal safety.

Footsteps approached and Shepard looked up with red-rimmed eyes at her mate. The look he wore across his plates was relief mixed with a knowing sadness that made her sigh. Miranda had told him too. It was only fair, and maybe it was better this way. Now she didn’t need to say the words herself.

“I think I get it now,” she told him as he joined her on the ledge. His sense of self-preservation wasn’t much better than hers had been. When he waited for her to continue, she kept on. “Why you came up here, I mean.”

“Yeah?”

Shepard nodded once. “It wasn’t to jump, was it?”

“Not really, no.” His voice was strained, the memory as unpleasant for him as it was for her. “I considered it. It would have been easier. The end.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

Garrus took her hand. “Did you come up here for that, Jane?”

“I needed some space. Perspective.” One of her hands gestured out to the station below them, the signs of war were still around them despite the time that had passed. Her voice was choked, but once the words began, they continued on. “I wanted more. To be something more than a soldier, a figurehead, a war hero.”

“You are more,” he argued. “You are kind and you’re brave. You’re a friend and a benevolent soul. You’re my Spirit, Jane.”

Although her eyes started to water again, she pressed on. “I guess I just wanted to be a mother too. It was too much to ask. I’d never thought that the choice would be made for me… it never occurred to me that I just wouldn’t be able. I thought that since I was with you, it didn’t matter anyway.”

He let out a breath of air, almost a laugh but not. “I didn’t mean to get your hopes up. I’m sorry too.”

“No.” Shepard shook her head and squeezed his hand. “I was the one who ran off. That wasn’t fair either. We’re supposed to be a team. No Shepard without Vakarian, right?”

“Right,” Garrus nodded to her, one hand rising to brush the wetness from her cheek. “I’m here, and even when it gets hard I need you to talk to me. I know it’s not what you wanted, hell… it’s not what I wanted either. But we can get through this, like always.”

“Yeah. Just… not right away.”

“Take whatever time you need, Jane. Let’s go home.”

The corner of her mouth tugged upwards in a weary smile. “I'd like that.”

\- - -


End file.
